Released, Relaxed and Sated

Fading snow and warmer temperatures signal the end of winter, more riding and a general recession of the gloom inside my head.  The other morning on the way to work 38F felt positively tropical and my thoughts turned towards longer rides.

The phenomena finds Kim and I outdoors more as well with her working a camera and me wandering on foot and drinking in the world.  I admire her focused attention with a camera.  We work differently and while I may be more technically experienced I cannot match her keen eye.  I see what is familiar.  She explores what is not.

As the snow melts and the thaw works its way through the valley a wet fog develops that paints a mysterious picture.  When I used to work with a large format camera this was the weather I lived for, packing my gear and driving off to chase it.  There are storm chasers, I was a gloom chaser.

This evening, late, a craving swept over me.  Not for riding but for sugar.  Chocolate.  A compulsive companion since I was a kid and would walk to the local general store with a nickel in my pocket to buy a Hershey bar.

And now I ride with dollars in my pocket to find the holy grail -- the small pack of little chocolate donuts, waxy little rings of fatty sugar infused goodness.  The local convenience store glows with the promise of satisfaction as the Vespa resists the pull.  But I don't, seeking satisfaction and relief that only a dose of junk food can deliver.

And now I can rest, released, relaxed and sated...

Riding or Obsession?

Sitting at home late this afternoon reading a book when I suddenly noticed the fading light, warmly orange streaking across the hilltops and clouds.  Dropping everything, I grabbed my camera and raced to the garage.

I like to think that I love to ride but it clearly isn't that simple.  And I've been a working photographer my entire adult life though I let countless things derail a wide range of photographic opportunities and projects.  I want to make simple assessments of my life and actions but it just isn't so simple.

Riding the Vespa and making photographs are clearly linked in some unholy manner.  More than one person has referenced my obsessive placement of the scooter in pictures and I confess to a powerful draw to do so.  As I stood in front of Mount Nittany in the fading light I forced myself to make a photograph without the Vespa.

The race was on as I forged ahead in the cold as the indicator flashed 27F on the instrument cluster.  I usually am careful to be warm before departure but this time I neglected to do so and could feel my feet getting cold after five miles.  Not a good thing for someone who suffers from Chilblains, a condition where the capillaries in my feet are easily damaged by cold and can lead to some nasty blistering.

Just one of a few medical conditions foisted on my by bad genetics and age.  But the recognition wasn't enough to turn me towards the warmth of home and instead I kept riding, searching for some image or experience.  On rides like this I really do wonder about my obsessive traits.  They may account for some of my ability to focus doggedly on projects, at least those that capture my interest.  Things like painting walls or mowing lawns, they don't attract any of my obsessive powers.

Riding on two wheels has some advantages -- in this case being able to navigate around locked gates and other barriers to four wheeled vehicles.

By the time I rode through State College, Pennsylvania I was ready to head home.  The cold had won out over other obsessive/creative desires.  For a moment I considered stopping at Starbucks for tea and some sort of sugar delivery system but decided to ride home where I could wrap my feet tightly in warm blankets.  Good thing too since my feet were almost on fire in a decidedly cold way when I arrived.

Preparations for First Night are underway with an assortment of ice sculptors practicing their craft.  The weather will be more cooperative this year with a bit of cold to keep the ice in good shape for a few days.

So I'm left wondering if I'm driven by a passion to make photographs, and strong desire to ride, or if some other psychological mechanism is at work.  Many riders tell me they enjoy riding, it's fun and exciting.  This ride wasn't fun by any definition I use and I don't think I derived any enjoyment.  I can say the same thing about photography -- it's neither a hobby or an activity to have fun.  In riding and photography I'm driven by something else.  It's work, at times a burden, but I need to do it.

Something to think about as the year comes to a close...

Non-Riding Days

I have no fixed formula for deciding when to ride a scooter or motorcycle.  Weather, time, destination and other elements factor into the decision but the mix can be cloudy and inconsistencies develop.  This morning was a perfect example.  Light rain and mild temperatures and I decided to drive.  Safer and easier than riding in snow but I was tired and just not in the mood to put on the gear and deal with the weather.

Any second guessing about the decision were gone by the time I got to town as the rain fell harder.  State College was empty -- few people and fewer cars.  Nothing quite as lonely as a college town during the Christmas break.

Last meeting at Saint's with Gordon this year.  He surprised me by showing up with gelatin silver prints made in his darkroom.  I'm motivated now to finish the repairs to my darkroom sink and produce some prints of my own.  Who knows what kind of photographic work the new year will bring.

Writer-artist wife Kim in her studio.  On rainy days we talk about projects and things we can work on together.  Again, not sure what the new year will bring.

Junior continues to practice the art of guilt, flashing those sad eyes at whoever he can in hopes of inspiring a change in action.

He usually gets what he wants -- food, treats, a walk, or a trip up the mountain to run and play ball.  What a life.

As the new year approaches I think I'll try to be a lot more like a dog...

Chasing the Night

I've had a picture in my head for a few weeks -- a picture of the Christmas lights in State College in the snow.  Bad planning on my part let that opportunity slip away as the temperatures soared and the snow melted.  Even so, I rode into town thinking there was still some sort of possible picture to make.  More bad planning -- I arrived too early.  At 1:20am there is still a lot of activity on the streets and I just couldn't get myself or the Vespa in the position I needed.

The bars close at 2am and by 3am things should be in better shape for the picture I want to make.  I'll just have to get my head around staying up that late or getting up that early.

For this ride it was a pleasure to ride with the temperature near 60F despite a brisk wind.

Rest, Relaxation and the End of a Vacation

Unshaven, rested, relaxed.  That's what a week of vacation can do for a person.  My friend Gordon made the photograph, my wife Kim said I looked relaxed, and I know I'm rested and unshaven.  The past week has been an exercise in no plans, no schedule, no goals, no nothing.  I like to think I'm a creature of habit but it's more likely I'm a creature of circumstance.  With no schedule to adhere to I've stayed up 'til dawn, slept past noon, hung out in coffee shops and generally watched the world go by.

And did some Vespa riding.

On days I didn't sleep past noon I was out in the cold with the dog or on the Vespa.  A week of that was all it took to acclimate to the frigid weather.  Now everything from 20F and higher feels comfortable.  Or at least tolerable.

This image was made on Sunday morning at sunrise with Junior in tow.  A dog offers fine examples of how to embrace life at it's simplest level.

Junior pausing briefly for me to make a portrait.  Cold enough outside for his breath to freeze over the hair on his neck.  He just walked through the living room, looked at me, and went upstairs to bed. "He know's the day's over," said Kim.  "No more walks, treats or food.  Nothing left but to go to sleep."

I'm almost in the same place.

It's been a cold week with snow and ice and have helped thicken my riding blood.  This morning Mr. Pumpkin looked particularly annoyed by the 18F temperature reading as I got ready to ride into town to meet my photography compatriots at Saint's Cafe.  Neither the Vespa or I uttered a complaint.

Morning has more attraction for me than any other time of day -- visually and mentally.  I awake quickly with no need for coffee or tea.  Seeing the sun rise and the warm beams of light lick through the trees continues to cause the heart to beat faster.

Allen Street is still asleep at 8:30 on a Sunday morning.  Plenty of parking and no traffic to contend with is fine by me.

Saint's Cafe in State College, Pennsylvania.  The holiday decorations have already gone up.  The place seems personal, friendly and like home.

Simple pleasures during the vacation.  Hot chocolate and a few moments alone with my thoughts.

The earlybirds.  In thirty minutes the place will start to fill up and the hustle and bustle will become more pronounced.  Being away from that pace for just a week makes the change seem dramatic.

During the past week the Vespa and I have ridden the familiar tracks and explored some new ones.  The snow and ice have offered an opportunity to sharpen my skills and mind and the time away from work has allowed my batteries to recharge so I can jump head first into some big projects.

And the rides have given me a chance to catch up with old friends if only for a few moments. But mostly I just laid about in decadent sloth.  So much for plans to organize my digital photos or straightening up the garage.  It was far more satisfying to nap, eat, ride play with the dog, hang out with Kim and anything other than be a responsible adult.

Damn, I guess I need to go upstairs and shave now.

View Through My Visor

Seeing is an intoxication.  Over 40 years as a photographer has not dulled the desire to look, observe, watch.  Riding a scooter or motorcycle has been useful tool in extending that habit, or more likely, obsession.

The ride to and from work continues to provide opportunities to practice with the camera and the eye.  The image above was made on the way home from work, a hilltop I've seen a thousand times and still there is something new.  A different hue, tone, or glow of light.  The Vespa makes it possible to stop and make a picture.

Mount Nittany glows like Ayers Rock.  The last few minutes of light as the sun touches the horizon, the odd afterglow as it descends --- it's never the same.  Riding home, winding along the gravel paths used by vehicles attending Penn State football games, there are often views I've not felt before.  The Vespa on the center stand, a quick removal of the Canon G15 from under the seat, and then I'm gone.

The house that Joe Paterno built -- Beaver Stadium as it appeared on my way to work.  While waiting at a traffic light I pushed the scooter to the side of the road to make this image.  A few seconds of my time and off again.

Just a few of the views through my visor....

Riding at Night and Other Photographic Pastimes

Walking the dog at sunset and the sky opens and momentarily illuminates Boalsburg.  An iPhone picture doesn't sate my visual survey and the little photographer voice tells me I should be riding.  The 82 pound dog at the end of the leash says otherwise.

By the time I'm on the road the sun is gone and the light is fading as mist begins to gather along the ground.  Luck figures into photography more than I like to admit — F8 and be there kind of stuff...

Riding into the night still provides a thrill.  Some say a dangerous one which I keep in mind and make plans to manage.  Give me the right night, a camera and keys to a scooter and motorcycle and I'm off to see the stars...

Memory, Loss and the Power of Photography

Memories are more valuable that gold.  At least to me.  As time passes I find them more and more precious.  Memory drives me to make photographs, a tool to capture fleeting moments and restore them to fullness in my mind later.  Photography has a special power.

This morning I read the following tweet by @timmoolmanphoto

Don't underestimate the value of what you do.“@jeremycowart: MUST read for photographers. http://fototails.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/a-letter-on-my-doorstep-portraits-are-more-than-paper/” @kikiphoto

For those of you who don't speak Twitter don't worry, I'll translate.  Tim Moolman identified a link to photographer Jeanine Thurston's blog Fototails Photography.

The post titled, "A letter on my door step. portraits are more than paper." is one of the most powerful messages about the simple power of pictures I have ever read. It talks about photography as it relates to normal, everyday life. Not the drama of war or famine or exotic locations. Just life in the way most of us will embrace it.

Take a moment and read it. She posted it yesterday and it already has over 500 comments.

It's short. It's sad. It's a potent reminder of what is important in life.

Embracing Failure, Return of the iPhone

Waking to fog still excites me.  Duty and responsibility take a back seat as I scheme to find a way to explore a world half shrouded, half hidden by fog.  This past weekend was no exception and after a rush to get Junior exercised, fed, watered and Milkboned I was off to make photographs and eventually meet my friend Gordon at Starbucks.

The world was perfect.  Even the occasional draw of my glove across my visor to clear condensation could not interfere with the moment.  As I walked into position to make a photograph along Spring Creek I was presented with a wonderful opportunity for personal growth in the form of acceptance -- the SD card for my digital camera was missing. 

 Obviously all was not lost.  My recently revived iPhone (not long ago I abandoned it for a Trac Phone.  That was a bad plan professionally.) was in my pocket and I surrendered to the reality that photography on this morning would be different than I planned. The fog was subtle and that ephemeral nature would easily be lost without the more powerful rendering of my Canon G9.  The iPhone is closing in though.  Riding on along the creek I was surprised how angry I was with myself for being so irresponsible.  Again.  I could tell you about all the pictures that got away.  Instead, I embraced the failure and made the most of the situation.

And I still could ride.

 Earlier in the week I did the same thing on another evening ride.  No card in the camera.  So I had to resort to the iPhone.  It's not that the pictures are bad, they just aren't what I planned.  And again, my expectations struggled against me seeking to ruin a lovely evening on the road.

The roads here are sublime.  While there are times when I wait for vehicles to leave a scene for the most part these roads are empty on a Sunday morning.  I could have had breakfast here without concern. 

One last detour at a tract of land managed by the Pennsylvania Game Commission.  Kim and I used to rent a farm bordering these lands and could walk out our door and walk for hours without seeing another person.  Those were pre-Vespa days.  Standing here a flood of memories swept over me like ghosts from the past.  For those of you who know where this is (of for the Game Warden reading this) I did not motor into this position.  I dutifully pushed the Vespa around the gate and posed it for this picture.  There is no outlaw biker in me and I was not about to intrude on this place with my scooter.

Well, I thought about it for a second or two.

By the time I arrived at Starbucks I had moved beyond embracing my failure to bring along a working camera to deciding I should reward myself for making the most of a situation I could not change.  Two of these cookies died in the process.

I'll post the black and white prints for the 3 Prints Project when I get a moment to make some scans.  Right now I would rather ride.  It's only 9:30pm.  Perhaps a run to the store for some chocolate to go along with a cup of tea is in order.

3 Prints Project: September 16, 2011

After months of neglect I returned to the darkroom.  Ritual film development, printing and processing were an unexpected high in an otherwise hectic life.  I'm not certain what changed but I found myself carrying the Leica M6 again, one lens, and an extra roll of film in my pocket.  The familiar actions related to using that camera surged into an excitement that bordered on giddy.  Thankfully I didn't question my sanity or state of mind and just went with the flow, a re-acquaintance with the 3 Prints Project.

That's my friend Paul Ruby floating in the tray.  I made a picture of a piece he had in a local exhibit, a large self portrait made while he was in India.  He works and prints digitally since he no longer has a darkroom.  

Anyone who's spent intermittant periods in a darkroom knows the early frustration of finding chemicals out of date, materials expired and other victims of neglect.  A ride into town to visit the local camera shop solved the problem and I was soon ready to go.  Camera stores are fast disappearing from the landscape.  My sentimental feelings for them run deep and I never pass up an opportunity to visit one.  I suspect in another five to ten years they'll all be gone.

I still remember the first can of Dektol developer I purchased in the 1960s at a small drugstore.  Photographic supplies were far more common then.  Nearly 50 years later I am still a faithful user of Kodak's stalwart paper developer.  At least until the big yellow box makes it all go away.

 

The ride into town last Sunday morning to meet my 3 Prints Project partner Gordon Harkins offered the first fall-like weather of the season complete with just a bit of fog on the hillsides.  Mornings like these have me thinking of riding more than photography.

State College is quiet in the morning.  The streets are usually empty and I don't mind being in town.  Making this photograph I am reminded of how many years I have been using these parking spaces.  Time is flying by.

Here are the prints I made this past week.  Proof prints, nothing special, just a quick enlargement on an 11x14 sheet of Ilford Multigrade IV fiber paper.

Mr. Ruby as seen at the Art Alliance Gallery in Lemont, Pennsylvania.  How would you like that image staring at you from your living room wall?

Junior and I at home. In low light I decided I had to see how slow I could shoot with the Leica. This one was made at 1/4 of a second. I'm not as steady as I used to be, at least not crouched down like that.

Kim flying out of the car, camera in hand.  She tells me she doesn't get excited about much.  I know different and witness her focus and energy on a daily basis.  I try not to lead on how much I envy her energy and concentration. 

  

A portrait of Gordon Harkins at Saint's Cafe, frequent site of our 3 Prints Project meetings.  Captured here listening to some inane chatter pouring forth from my mouth.

Junior watching over his domain which includes Kim pulling weeds.  Gordon and I discussed conversations about this image that might have ensued when we were in graduate school.  Politics is everywhere.

I finished two more rolls about an hour ago and after dinner may head again to the darkroom to work under the amber lights...

Sam Abell, Photographer, on Patience, Passion and Slowing Down

Sam Abell is a photographer who I have admired for a long time. The passion he brings to assignments and stories is rare in a world bent on speed and media lifespans measure in hours or days. Listening to him talk about making photographs and spending more than a year to make one photograph had me wondering if I had the patience or commitment to pursue anything that way.

At the end of the video he reveals the photo and a story that happens afterwards.  I won't reveal the ending but as he describes the man in the plane thumbing through the magazine I know that guy.  Me.

I need to slow down.

Roll 522

Like clockwork I parked my Vespa last Sunday morning across from the library and walked over to Saint's Cafe to show Gordon my three prints of this week.  The trip to the ER didn't dissuade me from the darkroom though more than a few inquiries about stress have me wondering if the self-induced pressure of shooting, processing and printing isn't just another straw on my back.

The prints fit nicely into the Givi topcase.  Glad I got it.

Another Saint's regular, violinist Carl Ector, sits outside Saint's with his coffee enjoying the fine spring morning.  Looks like I might be photographing his musical group at some point in the future.  I'm with the band!

Gordon examines me for signs of imminent collapse.  Feeling well enough to ride the Vespa into town and brave the rising heat I assured him I was ok.  For now.  And added that I had prints and an ER visit.  Where were his?

I've been suggesting for awhile now that Gordon get a motorcycle or scooter and have quietly shared how amazing it is to ride.  Last week sent me an email saying he found the registration papers for a Harley Davidson that he didn't know his father owned before he was born.  Over the past few months he's talked about riding and I almost thought I had him until he shared this comment from his daughter:

"You already look like a biker dad.  You don't need a motorcycle."

Oh well, looks like photography will continue.

Here's the take from last week.  Rushed as usual.  Process late Saturday afternoon, print Saturday evening, wonder why the prints are damp on Sunday morning.

Shot one roll of Ilford HP5+ and processed it in TMAX developer. [YOU ALL KNOW YOU CAN CLICK ON THESE IMAGES TO SEE THE BIG VERSIONS RIGHT?]

 

Junior during a Saturday morning walk through Boalsburg.  He's getting to the point when he sees me raise the camera he sits down.  It's a problem sometimes when I want him standing.  We're working on it.

Shot this same thing with the iPhone earlier in the week. I think I like the black and white image better.  Wish I wasn't so rushed to print so I could get a little more from the negative.  Rushing.  I have to look at the stress component some more.

 Shooting with the iPhone is so easy and engaging in a way that's hard to describe.  I've been shooting a lot with it but have failed to post much here.  This quasi-riding/dog picture was made last week with the iPhone using the Camera+ app.

Haven't ridden the Vespa since Sunday evening.  Have an appointment with the doctor in the morning and am uncertain if I should show up riding or in the truck.  Don't want to tempt him to say, "Don't ride for awhile."

I suppose I'm open to whatever is going to happen...